SHOW ME THE MONEY!! Okay, maybe we can't be so bold as to borrow the line from the movie Jerry Maguire, but sometimes it feels like it would be a lot easier. Once upon a time, a newly married couple needed wedding gifts and bridal showers to set up their household. But in today's culture, with the average marrying age RISING, many people have already established households before they get married. Some people may feel that the last thing they need is more stuff. In fact, one of the most frequent questions asked by brides and grooms today is "How do we let guests know that we'd prefer money rather than wedding gifts?" And who can blame them?! I certainly don't...Most of these couples are trying to pay for their wedding themselves, and the idea of money for a honeymoon, down payment on a house or simply some spending cash can be a lot more appealing than a second (or third!) toaster. So what is the polite way of asking for money instead of wedding gifts? Is there one? Some people just don't care or can't resist the urge to use one of those scanner guns *clear throat* me, however if you do care, here are some hopefully helpful hints.
To get the answer to this hard question I went to the Source...OPRAH! Let's be honest, most people listen to Oprah & take what she has to say as (in the youthful term) LEGIT!
More then half the audience said it was okay to ask for money. I would take those odds any day! I also found a report that 78% of consumers prefer to give cash as a wedding gift. So now that we have established that it's okay to ask for money the next step is HOW?
Wedding Invitations and the Sticky Subject of Money
Although some couples have come up with creative ways to ask for gifts, money, or charitable donations on their wedding invitations, the truth of the matter is that doing so is rude. Wedding gifts of any kind should never be mentioned on an invitation or even sent with the invitation; to do so implies that a guest is required to give you a present. A wedding invitation should simply convey that you would like someone to be there at a very special occasion.
So, How Do You Let Guests Know?
Many guests will ask the members of the bridal party and your immediate family for your registry information. The easiest thing for these people to reply is "They're registered at Weddingblahblahblah, but I also know they are saving for a down payment on a house." Hopefully if you know someone well enough to have them in your wedding party, you can be honest with them about your hopes for wedding gifts.
Get Creative
Word of mouth is the most efficient method of informing your wedding guests of your wish for monetary wedding gifts, you could also consider directing guests to look at your personal wedding website. Some companies, allow you to create a wedding website for free and they are a great idea for efficiently communicating, not just gift details, but also other wedding related information. Most wedding websites have a gift registry section where you can add in some wording such as: “Whatever you would like to give us is wonderful, the choice is yours, we are registered at XXX but money is at the top of our wedding wish list to help pay for ………….”. You could also consider listing there what you intend to spend the money on. Having details of your gift wish list on your website will help to reaffirm to the cynics amongst your wedding guests that you really would appreciate a cash gift rather than the traditional gift of an appliance or something for your household.
Honeymoon Registries, Create-a-Gift, Mortgage Registry
Companies have now created registries that are essentially veiled ways of asking for money. For example, at a honeymoon registry, a guest can give you the gift of "a nice dinner out," or "tickets to a play." You receive the cash, minus the site's fee, and can then use it for your honeymoon expenses. Some local banks have even created a bridal registry for a down payment on a home. And TheKnot offers "Create-a-Gift", which allows you to ask for money for just about anything you can think of, in the form of American Express gift checks. So are these options okay, or tacky?
I personally like the Honeymoon idea if you've planned out a very specific honeymoon itinerary so that guests can really feel like they're giving a wedding gift, and not just writing a check, that can alleviate some of the negative vibes. After all, once upon a time (and even still, to the most etiquette-picky in the world) any kind of wedding registry was considered tacky. As these become more common to use, it's likely that any tackiness will become a thing of the past. GOOD LUCK!
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